BOOM! ANOTHER BLOG! (REMASTERED EDITION)

The other day Jack and I were talking about the upcoming school ball. It had been a long time dream of ours to do something that would fuck it up a little. We had a pretty elaborate design drawn up to make penis and vagina suits that we would wear but last year Jack had a date and I thought I was too cool to go to the ball. So we were talking and we decided upon a less extravagant but perhaps just as expulsion worthy idea. We came up with this T-shirt:

 

the kind of shit you write at 1.42am when all you had done the previous day was play skateboaring games and "jam"

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8=======D

In an earlier blog I asked you, the reader, this question "is enter shikari's new album any good?". As expected I received no feedback as the people who read this: a) Probably think enter shikari are "the latest in gay technology" and b)don't feel as though this blog gets enough traffic to make it worth trolling. I downloaded their new album "common dreads" illegally and thought it was pretty rad and decided to do this blog and this PMI(plus minus interesting) thing.

PLUS:

-sounds good to me

-singer now sounds british when he sings

-instead of the kinda lame pop rock bits from the first album they have shit that sounds more like "at the drive in"

 is good to listen to while ripping harpies in half/stabbing minotaurs in the face on god of war.

MINUS:

not as brutal as their first album, really gay album art, kinda lame lyrics about politics and shit.

INTERESTING:

kinda wish I could scream like enter shikari but my brother gets mad when i practice in the house.

Bit of a bummer that the first blog in a month is a PMI chart on "enter shikari". I'll try harder in the future.

PS. If you are a woman living in Elizabethan England, could you please email and tell me what your role is in society? Coz you guys didn't really get written about a lot and that's making it really hard for me to get some NCEA credits. FUUCCCKKKKKINNNN SAADDDDDDD.

I'm known for being horrible at typing but this is by far the worst mistake I have ever made

George Alexander
10:03
indeed
my dad had a sex with me while i was in wellington
he was kinda drunk
and was just like "go a-fucking-head mate!"
it was brutal
Jack
10:04
oh nice! did it hurt?
don't scream
NO MATTER WHAT
PROMISE ME

George Alexander
10:05
i havent had sex
Jack
10:05
I know

George Alexander
10:05
scream?!
Jack
10:05
I was saying, don't scream when your dad has sex with you
or he'll know you're awake

George Alexander
10:06
ohhhhh
fuck
i meant to say "sex talk"
Jack
10:06
Jeeeeesus

George Alexander
10:06
fuck
FUCK
OMG
Jack
10:06
HAHAHA
FUCKING HELL

George Alexander
10:06
WORST TYPO EVER

Looks like we're out of the recession!

At the most one person will understand this and they probably won't find it very funny.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

After years of being subjected to a myriad of mediocre romantic-comedies and endless sub-par Alfred Hitchcock remakes, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire came as a real ray of sunshine to restore my faith in cinema. Needless to say, J.K Rowling is one of Britain’s more prominent generals in the war against bad literature, but Mike Newell’s translation of ink to silver-screen has baffled even the most hostile of skeptics. Seldom do I leave the couch to reside in my bed chamber with a spring in my step, but tonight was different.

Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) returns to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry with his peers Ron (a superb Rupert Grint) and Hermione (Emma Watson) for his fourth year. Following suit with the previous installments of the franchise, his year is plagued with mishap and disaster, with the focus this year revolving around Harry’s participation in the Triwizard Tournament. Needless to say, Radcliffe delivers the goods once again; his performance as the bold, brave, yet inquisitive Harry Potter is one to be remembered. He manages to convey a range of emotions from jest to anger and jealousy; each being equally convincing. Daniel Radcliffe does not play Harry Potter; Daniel Radcliffe is Harry Potter.

The Goblet of Fire has a noticeably darker tone, and steers itself towards more mature audiences than its predecessors. Themes of romance, violence, and death are frequent throughout, however Mike Newell in his infinite wisdom still retains the qualities of a family targeted fantasy film that the previous films boast so proudly. Rowling has ingeniously crafted the series of Harry Potter in such a manner that the maturity of the text grows with the maturity of the reader. Screenplay writer Steven Kloves has worked this technique into the films as well, with the first film (The Philosophers Stone) sporting noticeably more child appealing themes then the following films in the series. Whilst appearing cunning to some (particularly those who grew up with the films), others watching the films in sequence may find the inconsistency to be frustrating.

Too preoccupied to compose a fourth score for the franchise, John Williams has passed the conductors baton to Patrick Doyle. Although a new comer to film, Doyle is no amateur to the ring, having several Academy Award music nominations under his belt. Viewers will be taken aback by Goblet of Fire’s rich array of new orchestral arrangements, as well as being reacquainted with some of the signature themes and motifs from the previous films. Williams’ absence will seem apparent to the most attentive of enthusiasts, but most will still admit Doyle pulls of a splendid piece of work; nothing short of magic.

For one and a half hours all 5 of my senses were bombarded by a spectacular display of passionate theatrics coupled with ground breaking cinematography and special effects only Warner Brothers could deliver; for one and a half hours I was spellbound. The Goblet of Fire truly adds a new dimension to the series, and is a must-see for those who wish to experience something truly ‘magical’. 

I give it 4/10.

In this post: "Fat fucks"

Came across this website called www.livingxl.com it's basically a website that sells products designed for morbidly obese people. When I find something like this it makes me sad for all the comedians out there who put hours and hours into making videos or whatever that people are supposed to find funny when someone who is trying to cater to the needs of someone blows anything they say out of the water with out the slightest intention or effort. 

on livingXL.com you can purchase:

-A toilet seat with what looks like scaffolding fastened to it so you can get your fat fuck ass up and off this thing without having to worry that you're going to end up with shattered porcelain embedded in yr bo'sack.

- A long rod with a pair off nail clippers attached because there's no way you're going to be reaching your toes for anything less motivating than someone with a gun to your head and even then the chances are slim.

-There's also a rod for wiping your ass with

-A hammock that utilizes the same mater

ial and methods as fucking golden gate bridge

-A shower curtain that curves in the middle so you can shower without your pudgy little belly touching the curtain

-A bench that straddles the side of the bath tub in case the journey from your mobility scooter to tub becomes too exhausting and you need a rest

-scales that have a 1000lb weight capacity so you know when it's time to upgrade your bathtub transfer bench to something a little more sturdy

-A variety of garments that go up sizes XXXXXXL (other wise known as a "shame tarp")

-In order to store your XXXXXXL garments you're going to need some coat hangers with the wing span of an albatross and they just so h

appen to stock them aswell

Happy shopping readers!

What's that? your fingies are too pudgie to enter

 your credit card number?!  I have a solution!

Might have to make do with a piece of pocky till this baby arrives

A post about music

Haven't done a blog about music in a while. Things kinda got a lil' crazy for a while. Posting stuff that would fit under the category "miscellaneous". I guess the pageviews and links from other sites went to my head. So in this blog I return to my roots.

Black Out

I haven't been blown away by any new music lately. Pitchfork are all like "listen to grizzly bear" and I'm all "i guess that song with the video is ok/10" but I'm not deep enough to get them. Then I heard "video games" by Black Out and i was like "wish more bands would be like black out because their lyrics are actually about stuff not just like disjointed phrases with deeper/nonexistent meaning". Video games is a so

ng that is relevant to my interests 'coz i like video games and sometimes feel like playing video games instead of going to school.

You can buy this song off itunes or from this website if you're mad keen to put this on yr ipod or yr zune(just kidding, zunes are fucking gay).

I also like Black Out because they are a band that go out of their way for their fans. For example when they post lyrics on their website they tell you when there are going to be guitar/drum solos so you can better prepare for the coming onslaught of "sick licks and mad fills".

Recess Blues
Copyright 200

7

Intro--Drum Fill--Guitar solo
Woke up this morning and got outa bed.
Jumped in the shower and washed my head
Put on my cloth

es and made up

 my bed
Crammed down my breakfast left my spelling unread
Hopped on the b

us, headed straight to the back
Got in trouble a

nd tore my back pack

Sent to the office like I was to blameGiven detention, man that's really lame
Smiled at the t

eacher like nothing was wrong
Sat at my desk and started writing 

this song
Whoah the recess blues

(chorus)Recess, recess, that's what I'd rather do
Reading, spelling, don't have a clueRecess, recess, that's what I'd rather do
It's all enough to make a kid really blue
Ya, ya, ya, ya.......

PS.

I've been listening to Suicide Season by Bring Me the Horizon lately and it sounds good to me+gets me amped. However, Pitchfork haven't reviewed it and this is causing me a bit of anxiety as I don't know whether it's ok to like it or not. I feel that maybe it's not ok to like because they are a metalcore band and have some pretty brutal album art. I'm really not sure. "the only thing i know for sure is that i can't sleep at night(coz i don't know if i'm allowed to like the band i like)"

I'm being serious in this last part. I really do like Bring me the Horizon. Don't know what's happening to me+anyone know if enter shikari's new album is any good?

Unsuccessful troll is unsuccessful

Some tweets on facespace alerted me to the fact that the extension english class have their own discussion boards on the school's website. Naturally I felt the urge to go on there and "troll the shit" out of it. Unfortunately I am in the "working man's" english class and am not allowed to even view what the wunderkinds have posted. This is why I need all two of my loyal followers to cyber bully the two other contributors of LouderThanBombs into trolling that shit for me as they are in the smart class but have so far wasted the wonderful opportunity that has been placed in their lap. I would hate for them to finish school and look back with a feeling of regret knowing that they didn't "seize the day" like Robin Williams. It doesn't have to be anything offensive or pornographic. 

Just pretend you're this guy and I'll be happy.

username:Sasukesupersaiyanlvl2

interests:Naruto, Bleach, Naruto, that song by P.O.D. that is like "BOOM! HERE COMES THE BOOM! READY OR NOT/HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?!"

In this blog: preteens, cellphones, cellphones in preteen's vaginas, in class masturbation and my "dick hole". I'm pretty ashamed of myself.

There was a kid called Bradley who went to my primary school. Bradley was a badass. Bradley was the kid who tells you about all the badass things he does.

"Hey man, you should totally come to this party in the weekend. There are gonna be heaps of chicks there but there isn't gonna be any booze so the chicks are fully gonna let me stick my camera phone up their pussies and take a photo."

Bradley actually said this. I never went to this party but I was fully sold on the fact that Bradley was going to this party and that he was going to stick a camera phone up a girl's (12 year old girl's) vagina. I had no reason not to believe this. Bradley was a fountain of knowledge for all things sex. He was a self proclaimed sex maniac. He proved it by masturbating in class one day without the teacher noticing. Bradley tried to convince me at the tender age of 11 that I better start having sex soon because if you don't do it by age sixteen your dick hole will grow over and I'll never be able to have babies. This terrified me as a preteen as I didn't know any girls who I could have sex with and I lacked Bradley's power over women. It looked like I was going to have to live life with a closed over dick hole. I'm now seventeen, haven't had sex and my dick hole has not closed over so I should probably give Bradley a call and tell him that all the sex that he said he had but didn't was in vain cuz your dick hole doesn't close up after all.

Thks fr th mmrs

Bradley

Putting a title on this blog seems pointless when it's about the title of another article that makes this title look shit.

You know a news headline is good when it's the first thing you see on the page even when there is an image of a guy in rugby headgear putting a shotgun to his head on the same page.

"You couldn't fucking help yourself could ya Dean... You had to fucking jizz on her... Sometimes I wonder what the hell is going on in that head of yours. I mean, haven't you seen CSI:Miami? The first thing they look for is fucking jizz. They search high and low for the stuff. You go ahead and make it easy for them! Just jizzin' all over her corpse like there's no tomorrow! I paid good money for you to go to that "Kip McGrath" place and this is what I get. A son who can't keep his jizz to his fucking self...."

let's get OTP and recreate famous/shocking photos

Treatment of a helpless person in a bad situation during the war in Iraq

Treatment of a helpless person in a bad situation during a Christchurch house party

Special thanks to the facebook "highlights" collumn

Keepin' in touch with your fave celebs is easy

Where are they now?: Madeleine McCann

Madeleine McCann was visited in a dream by the arc angel Gabriel and was told that in her future she would a life changing musician who's music would resonate a younger generation. Madeleine knew what becomes of such people so she preemptively faked her death and moved to the tropical island where Tupac, Biggie, Kurt Cobain & Joan Rivers live. Joan Rivers isn't dead. She can just keep a secret really well.

Role Play as Swine Flu!

I thought i'd keep in theme with this blog post and refer you all to a game George and I played sometime last year called Pandemic 2...

Depending on how you feel about the whole Swine Flu situation you can role play as Swine Flu and give it to all of your least favourite countries like Cuba or China. If you're a pretty big internet game fan i'd play it straight away or if you're not really into them I suggest you play it anyway because if One News have anything to say about the whole matter we'll all be dead pretty soon.

Who is the real villain Simon Dallow?

Who is the real villain...

It's everywhere

Youtube's front page

possibly my last blog (in this life)

Now that swine flu is coming to murder me and everyone I love it's hard not to worry what will happen to my facespace/bebo/myspace/WoW/Second life/twitter/msn/neopets accounts. How will people who I only connect with via photo comments know when I have succumbed to the SF. People could go days without knowing that they are commenting a dead guy and then they might feel bad about it when they find out cuz linking a dead guy  1 guy 1 screwdriver might be considered bad taste or something. I would be willing to buy a facespace branded heart monitor that lets everyone know that I have passed away the instant my heart stops beating but I fear that the development cycle of this product would overshoot the current crisis. Maybe I will keep a small piece of paper in my breast pocket that has my account details so before my grey lifeless corpse is tossed into the mass grave the details can be taken out and used to inform the world that I am now a deadfag.

eg: XxXnightshadowbladeXxX-Yo, I'm totally dead. Don't feel bad. Play "bat out of hell" by meat loaf at my funeral.

Wish I could have been killed by a pandemic in the past. Back then people only had to care about dying IRL (in real life)+bread was cheaper+you didn't have to have broadband to be cool+living of the land+caring about the monarchy.

Japanese keyboards are shit.

I'll keep this brief as I hate using this jappy keyboard. One of our roommates who we have nicknamed 'jamboy' for his excessive consumption of raspberry jam (1 jar in 3 days) has just purchases a katana which he will probably use to attempt an 'Antonie Dixon' on us.

Don't wanna die having this be my last blog. So much I have to live for like high end WoW content and new halo 3 maps!!!!]

Learnin' from our Pokebro's

So I was thinking about Pokemon the other day, and I realised there's actually a lot we can learn from our Pokebro's and Pokepal's...

The games especially mimic current Christchurch society, here's why:

• Just about everybody scraps on sight
• Your mother always spends your fucking money on useless shit
• The fact you have no father is never mentioned
• If you beat some Pokebro he gives you Pokecash, this is known as 'mugging'
• All the radio stations are terrible
• Over half of the people you meet are overweight
• Most Pokemon are homeless

Mostly it's just funny playing through the game I used to play as a nine year old and laughing at all the shit the creators never considered.

Pokebro on Pokebro - Fuck him up with your cage.

Next time I blog i will be in the country that invented the final fantasy+heaps of guys ejaculating on one girls face

I doubt japan were the first to jizz on a chicks face multiple times in one sitting but they were definitely the first to give it a name. Thank god they did or we may never have been able to visit the bukkake club or hentai high school in second life.

Anywayz been doing this assignment for history on women during the reign of Lizzie the First. My pal josh brought up a pretty important question that I hadn't considered.

Turns out all search history from everyone at school is recorded on the google drop down lists. It shows the ingenuity of St Andrews college students and how they cope with search filters. I'm not sure the library would be an ideal place for browsing pornographic websites but you gotta love the kids for trying.