Unsuccessful troll is unsuccessful

Some tweets on facespace alerted me to the fact that the extension english class have their own discussion boards on the school's website. Naturally I felt the urge to go on there and "troll the shit" out of it. Unfortunately I am in the "working man's" english class and am not allowed to even view what the wunderkinds have posted. This is why I need all two of my loyal followers to cyber bully the two other contributors of LouderThanBombs into trolling that shit for me as they are in the smart class but have so far wasted the wonderful opportunity that has been placed in their lap. I would hate for them to finish school and look back with a feeling of regret knowing that they didn't "seize the day" like Robin Williams. It doesn't have to be anything offensive or pornographic. 

Just pretend you're this guy and I'll be happy.

username:Sasukesupersaiyanlvl2

interests:Naruto, Bleach, Naruto, that song by P.O.D. that is like "BOOM! HERE COMES THE BOOM! READY OR NOT/HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?!"

In this blog: preteens, cellphones, cellphones in preteen's vaginas, in class masturbation and my "dick hole". I'm pretty ashamed of myself.

There was a kid called Bradley who went to my primary school. Bradley was a badass. Bradley was the kid who tells you about all the badass things he does.

"Hey man, you should totally come to this party in the weekend. There are gonna be heaps of chicks there but there isn't gonna be any booze so the chicks are fully gonna let me stick my camera phone up their pussies and take a photo."

Bradley actually said this. I never went to this party but I was fully sold on the fact that Bradley was going to this party and that he was going to stick a camera phone up a girl's (12 year old girl's) vagina. I had no reason not to believe this. Bradley was a fountain of knowledge for all things sex. He was a self proclaimed sex maniac. He proved it by masturbating in class one day without the teacher noticing. Bradley tried to convince me at the tender age of 11 that I better start having sex soon because if you don't do it by age sixteen your dick hole will grow over and I'll never be able to have babies. This terrified me as a preteen as I didn't know any girls who I could have sex with and I lacked Bradley's power over women. It looked like I was going to have to live life with a closed over dick hole. I'm now seventeen, haven't had sex and my dick hole has not closed over so I should probably give Bradley a call and tell him that all the sex that he said he had but didn't was in vain cuz your dick hole doesn't close up after all.

Thks fr th mmrs

Bradley

Putting a title on this blog seems pointless when it's about the title of another article that makes this title look shit.

You know a news headline is good when it's the first thing you see on the page even when there is an image of a guy in rugby headgear putting a shotgun to his head on the same page.

"You couldn't fucking help yourself could ya Dean... You had to fucking jizz on her... Sometimes I wonder what the hell is going on in that head of yours. I mean, haven't you seen CSI:Miami? The first thing they look for is fucking jizz. They search high and low for the stuff. You go ahead and make it easy for them! Just jizzin' all over her corpse like there's no tomorrow! I paid good money for you to go to that "Kip McGrath" place and this is what I get. A son who can't keep his jizz to his fucking self...."

let's get OTP and recreate famous/shocking photos

Treatment of a helpless person in a bad situation during the war in Iraq

Treatment of a helpless person in a bad situation during a Christchurch house party

Special thanks to the facebook "highlights" collumn

Keepin' in touch with your fave celebs is easy

Where are they now?: Madeleine McCann

Madeleine McCann was visited in a dream by the arc angel Gabriel and was told that in her future she would a life changing musician who's music would resonate a younger generation. Madeleine knew what becomes of such people so she preemptively faked her death and moved to the tropical island where Tupac, Biggie, Kurt Cobain & Joan Rivers live. Joan Rivers isn't dead. She can just keep a secret really well.

Role Play as Swine Flu!

I thought i'd keep in theme with this blog post and refer you all to a game George and I played sometime last year called Pandemic 2...

Depending on how you feel about the whole Swine Flu situation you can role play as Swine Flu and give it to all of your least favourite countries like Cuba or China. If you're a pretty big internet game fan i'd play it straight away or if you're not really into them I suggest you play it anyway because if One News have anything to say about the whole matter we'll all be dead pretty soon.

Who is the real villain Simon Dallow?

Who is the real villain...

It's everywhere

Youtube's front page

possibly my last blog (in this life)

Now that swine flu is coming to murder me and everyone I love it's hard not to worry what will happen to my facespace/bebo/myspace/WoW/Second life/twitter/msn/neopets accounts. How will people who I only connect with via photo comments know when I have succumbed to the SF. People could go days without knowing that they are commenting a dead guy and then they might feel bad about it when they find out cuz linking a dead guy  1 guy 1 screwdriver might be considered bad taste or something. I would be willing to buy a facespace branded heart monitor that lets everyone know that I have passed away the instant my heart stops beating but I fear that the development cycle of this product would overshoot the current crisis. Maybe I will keep a small piece of paper in my breast pocket that has my account details so before my grey lifeless corpse is tossed into the mass grave the details can be taken out and used to inform the world that I am now a deadfag.

eg: XxXnightshadowbladeXxX-Yo, I'm totally dead. Don't feel bad. Play "bat out of hell" by meat loaf at my funeral.

Wish I could have been killed by a pandemic in the past. Back then people only had to care about dying IRL (in real life)+bread was cheaper+you didn't have to have broadband to be cool+living of the land+caring about the monarchy.

Japanese keyboards are shit.

I'll keep this brief as I hate using this jappy keyboard. One of our roommates who we have nicknamed 'jamboy' for his excessive consumption of raspberry jam (1 jar in 3 days) has just purchases a katana which he will probably use to attempt an 'Antonie Dixon' on us.

Don't wanna die having this be my last blog. So much I have to live for like high end WoW content and new halo 3 maps!!!!]

Learnin' from our Pokebro's

So I was thinking about Pokemon the other day, and I realised there's actually a lot we can learn from our Pokebro's and Pokepal's...

The games especially mimic current Christchurch society, here's why:

• Just about everybody scraps on sight
• Your mother always spends your fucking money on useless shit
• The fact you have no father is never mentioned
• If you beat some Pokebro he gives you Pokecash, this is known as 'mugging'
• All the radio stations are terrible
• Over half of the people you meet are overweight
• Most Pokemon are homeless

Mostly it's just funny playing through the game I used to play as a nine year old and laughing at all the shit the creators never considered.

Pokebro on Pokebro - Fuck him up with your cage.

Next time I blog i will be in the country that invented the final fantasy+heaps of guys ejaculating on one girls face

I doubt japan were the first to jizz on a chicks face multiple times in one sitting but they were definitely the first to give it a name. Thank god they did or we may never have been able to visit the bukkake club or hentai high school in second life.

Anywayz been doing this assignment for history on women during the reign of Lizzie the First. My pal josh brought up a pretty important question that I hadn't considered.

Turns out all search history from everyone at school is recorded on the google drop down lists. It shows the ingenuity of St Andrews college students and how they cope with search filters. I'm not sure the library would be an ideal place for browsing pornographic websites but you gotta love the kids for trying.

HEY, FUCK YOU GUYS I FOUND THE NEW COOL THING

Puttin' off finishing my classics internal by alerting you all to the fact that you are not internet savvy because you are all still using that facebook shit. www.facespace.com is where it's at now guys. These guys have gone balls to the walls on this one. It's packed to the brim with exciting new features.

"Here are three things you can do RIGHT NOW with FaceSpace:

Connect with people you know: family, school friends, co-workers

Join and create "Groups" around your interests

Get a friend's recommendation for anything from a great restaurant to a gentle dentist"

About time. I'm so sick of browsing through geocities and angelfire pages.

"utterly moving"-George Armstrong

Of all the things i have seen on 4chan this is probably the thing that has made me the saddest. Yesterday i saw a picture of a man shitting on a baby but it had nothing on this. Poor Darth Vader (NOT THE HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN DARTH VADER. HE IS A CUNT).

http://i42.tinypic.com/2q3u0kz.jpg

FFFFUUUUU now i have to buy one these fucking machines

Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks 'GDC 2009 Nintendo Keynote Debut' video

I don't think i have ever finished a zelda game. I got pretty far through ocarina of time last time i played but they get so damn hard and faq's make me feel cheap and that i am betraying Miyamotosan. There was another zelda game on DS but only now has my wall of fiscal responsibility been broken down by the accumulation of so many rad looking titles (KorgDS10, retro game challenge, Dragon quest and all that other faggoty japanese shit+Something deep down inside me loves nintendogs.)

 Maybz i'll buy it when i'm in Akihabara, it'll be my "otaku odyssey".

The 'Philosoraptor'

I'm sure most people or internetfags are familiar with /b/ but for those who aren't it's this pretty fucked up forum with some pretty horrible stuff on it if you're unlucky enough to click it, but occasionally it has some pretty funny things on it like this:

xxSNIPERHOTTIExx

A brief story for you all in one of my favourite genres, books aimed at boys 11-15 who don’t like reading and are about the armed forces or snipers.

One dark night.

One man shrouded in the darkness of his camouflaged gear. An unseen assassin in a night of inky blackness. In the lagoon below the President of Chile’s holiday house, his balaclavaed head broke the surface of the water. His wescolt 4563 model followed quickly after, water resistant to 200 metres. He spied the president and his mistress with his canon infrared 436 chinchillakilla night-vision goggles.

He fired one shot. It was true. The entry point was in the back of the Presidents head, the exit wound was through his nose then into the next entry wound of the women’s hip.

But our hero didn’t see this. He was already away miles down river. The only thing that would connect him to this crime was the particular bullets he used, Barrel nosed 382’s but he would be in international waters long before the secret police knew anything had happened.

I was about to give up on facebook...

then

i found out you can do this

fullsize image here

fuck this layout!

Angry mother appalled that art is still being taught in schools

 Christchurch mother Cheryl Davies (pictured above with her "life partner" Daryll) is up in arms that her daughter, aged 13, is studying art at school. "Art is all about how it looks and this is sending a bad message to young girls" she tells our reporter. She worries that her daughter may fall victim to low self esteem and develop "problems of self" because she is constantly being exposed to artworks that rely entirely on aesthetic value to become noticed. "is this the kind of message we want our kids hearing? Why do you think so many artists go crazy? Van gogh (she pronounced it "Van gog") cut off his ear because the girl he liked didn't like him! A victim of his own creation" she yelled into our reporters microphone , "... and how many of these paintings have pictures of naked women?! Reduced to nothing more than objects! Obviously, as I am one of the few responsible parents in this country, I have banned all art work & art supplies from my house and now i have to get it banned from schools! Doing the governments work yet again". This is not the first time Cheryl has been in the news for protesting against how schools are run. She was voted least popular woman of 2006 by students in our annual poll for banning the sale of fattening foods in schools. Cheryl says she fights because no one else has the "inner strength" and that "as long as schools continue to teach children that this superficial, excuse my language, B.S. , then i will be fighting and if my Annie just so happens to suffer because her friends don't wanna come over because I'm a "psycho", then the ministry of education will have to live knowing they ruined a young, slightly obese (again their fault) girls adolescence". 

the fiddy blog itch+good advice

Super soz about the lack of blogs (I know they are the high point of all 4 our readers day. 3 of those readers being people who write these). I'll be honest and say i just haven't had anything to blog about. Better than me talkin' my  unsubstantiated political views, the war in Iraq or music that isn't very good but saying that i like it just to seem more hardcore for listening to an obscure band. 

 I have also been writing non-blog material for my trip to japan in TWO WEEKSS! I'm making a guide book to give to my squad (TEAM/SQAUD/CRAZY HORSE/CREW) of younger students. I just want to have the best squad and makes the kids in Bobbito's (reference to a guy in my japanese class) squad jealous.

If you live in the port hills take this opportunity to shit out on your porch with a shotgun. No ones gonna be frontin' if you're just lookin' out for the best interests of the community. It's not like locking your door is going to stop this guy. In his mind he has transcended to the state of Dr. Manhattan, the laws of nature don't apply to him anymore. If he wants to break into your house he's gonna break in to your house. Your only option is to arm yourself and if you do end up having to shoot this guy you could probably write some poetry about death and shit without seeming pretentious. y'know like war poetry. People love that stuff.

NOTE: have you noticed how i have the replaced the "g" at the end of many present tense verbs ("ing") with an apostrophe to make it more hip. This is what videos game magazines did in the 90's and look how successful they are!