Long story how I came across this

I'd say some have TCS more than others actually

Question.

Would you, given the chance go back in time and kill Hitler? Like in 1938 at a big rally? The chances of your survival are minimal but you end up saving millions of people. This comes to my mind as a certain 'Louder then Bombs" contributor wants to dress up as him for halloween.

Is this a morally acceptable thing to do? In both “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Askaban” and “Back to the future” the characters who are doing the time travelling, (Hermione Granger and Marty Mcfly) respectively are told by the minstry of magic and Doc Brown to not alter the events of time as it may have disastrous consequences for their futures, as we see when Marty begins to disappear when he stops his parents first meeting and chance to fall in love. So what about changing one of the most historically significant events ever?

And if you did it that early on in the period, people wouldn’t have known how bad he was. So in history he would have been considered a great leader for Germany, therefore you would probably be considered in the same way as Lee Harvey Oswald and the guy who killed John Lennon are.

It would still be pretty cool I guess.

Halt, Hammerzeit

I love Facebook quizzes...

"your not jewish, don't worry"

Hey guys, don't know if you've heard of this new band coming out called 'Shrouded in mystery' but they've already got a single.

Here's a close-up because it's not letting me edit my previous post

LAWL, it's the guitarist from the Horrors

pretty hard to see him, but he's sitting there.

Sorry about all the words. Really needed to get this traumatic experience off my chest by way of a blog post

Note: Copy pasting this from word kinda fucked shit up format wise for some reason. Just bear with it. Deep down you don't give a shit about formatting.

I’ve recently learnt the hard way that I’m never going to make a fortune selling shit on the internet. My dad lent me a car on the condition that I sell it on trademe at some point in an attempt to subtly divert my future towards the soul crushing, but my life sustaining car business. I’ve given the car a good run, but now it’s becoming a bit of a money sink as it guzzles down gas like tsunamis guzzle down people. It’s also getting a bit grubby not to mention I get to keep any profit made on the car, which will useful in sustaining certain habits. The fucking bummer about the whole situation is having to deal with people on trademe who seem less than eager to just hand over their fucking cash already. They ask questions about shit that I can’t find in the manual then they call me and ask more questions that I have to artfully talk around in my stammering, teenage retard phone voice. The internet is great because it is so impersonal and this whole experience is ruining it for me. I’m meeting internet people. They are coming to my house. I’m going for little drives while they make small talk with me. One guy was all, “I’m the guy who asked about cruise control” as if he was some kind of D-grade celebrity. “It’s good for long drives, y’know.”
“Oh, yeah” I replied. “You do a lot of long distance driving?”
“No, not really” he said casually. As if what he had just said wasn’t the most retarded bullshit ever. And this was before we had even got in the car. I thought he’d find it funny or at least show some kind of reaction to the death metal that began blasting when he started the car, but no. Nothing. He wasn’t one for fun and games which meant I was in trouble as he probably wanted to know stuff about the car. “Oh! We’ve got tip-tronic* gear change, I see.” He said as if it were something worth being excited about.
“Uh yeah, it does.” I replied, well and truly sick of this bullshit, desperately hoping he would decide to head back soon as the car was running on nothing but my my prayers and the dreams of young children, as I wasn't putting gas in a car that I was gonna be giving to some fool. The petrol light had been on all week. He began fucking round with the tip-tronics and accidentally down shifted which made a god awful noise, that, I, knowing nothing about cars assumed did irreparable damage to the transmission. I couldn’t understand why a guy who wants cruise control would care about being able to change the gears in an automatic car. He wants to fuck around with the lever, but he doesn’t wanna push the accelerator. I’m thinking that is some deeply repressed masturbatory shit going on right there. Even though my mind had strayed to this guys jacking off habits, I thought the whole thing had gone well. But it hadn’t. When he got out of the car he found the fault that I had failed to inform him off the. The central locking is fucked. This was the deal breaker for this uptight piece of shit even thought the car is way cheaper than anything else on the site. Too bad it wasn’t raining and he didn’t initiate the window wipers that screech at a frequency that sets off a chemical imbalance in your brain giving you clinical depression.

Moral of the story is: Making money on the internet isn’t as fun as the people who made World of Warcraft, or that guy who traded a paperclip for a house make it out to be. Stay in school and get a real job. “It’s not worth it, eh.”(RIP smoking guy from the telly).

PS. Reading over this I realize this makes me seem like a whiney motherfucker. Don’t worry guys; this isn’t a flaw in my writing style. That’s just what I’m like.

* Tip-tronics let you change the gears in a car with automatic transmission. Usually only used to lock the car in gear when you’re going down hill, but this guy thought he was a bad ass changing gears on his own on the mean streets of Fendalton.

Ironic advertising

Coming this Summer...

Single and unattached

FUCK! FINALLY!

Then... DRAMA

I don't know if any people from our school really read BLTB, but my attention was recently drawn to this facebook conversation. The whole argument arose because Sam's head had been photoshopped on the naked body of some guy and Emma disapproved or something, you can see it here if you want. Sam proceeds to call Emma fat, which she kind of is, and all hell broke loose from there.

Hoping to see a proper fight or something, I'd very much like it to escalate to fisticuffs.

<3 tattoos

There's something about overweight gamers getting regrettable tattoos that tickles me pink. I'm not sure if it's just the plain absurdity or the very few amount of people that will understand it or even find it funny that makes it so great. That said, I get these two, and I'm very glad I can cross off another few pictures on my 'tattoo ideas' list. To me it's pretty much like an electrician getting the Dick Smith Electronic logo on their arm or something, or a selection of Halo tattoos.



News flash! Only the first Halo was good.

(I'm not gonna apologize for not posting in ages 'coz no one cares and it's fucking gay)

Had to go to the doctor the other day. I’ve been feeling pretty down in the dumps. Fatigue, sore throat, headache. My dad’s GF was like, “bro, you have glandular fever.” I did the sensible thing and googled: “glandular fever” and convinced myself I had it then booked an appointment at the doctor. Turns out a million years at doctor school doesn’t teach you anything about time management. I got so bored waiting that I asked for a SARS mask that was meant for people with coughs(I thought it might be fashionable). When I was finally called into the doctor’s office she saw my mask and said, “let me guess. You have a cough, right.” Sadly, I didn’t have a cough and her joke was ruined. For the rest of the visit she seemed rather apathetic to my situation. She didn’t believe that I had glandular fever, but I reckon she’s just trying to fuck up my shit ‘coz I ruined her joke. Now I’m gonna get jaundice, and anaemia from the “glanj” (a little bit of hip slang for glandular fever) and I’m gonna die. This is like that time on World of Warcraft where something went wrong on some quest and I was poisoned by a poison that prevented me from going into stealth mode (the most important mode for a rogue FYI) for a whole week. I was freaking out. I had no idea how to cure it. I tried concocting an anti-venom which consisted of gathering venom glands from spiders that had an 8% drop rate in the middle of butt fuck nowhere. Once I finally got one I found out that it didn’t work. Turns out any druids could heal it instantly in the end. This I only found out after about an hour and a half of hardxcore virtual foraging. Maybe I need an IRL druid to help with my possible glandular fever. Too bad all real life druids aren’t really “people people” and are all like, “oh, sorry, I can only shapeshift when no one else is around.” If by “shapeshift” they mean jack off then sure, I believe them.

P.S.

Remember that post on that guy, Bradley, who told me about the parties he went to where chicks put cellphones up their vadges and took photos? Well he added me back on facebook. Now you guys can put a face to the name.(he's the one on the left with the shaved head)

As soon as you click 'upload' it's free game

Hey, where were you guys during the Australian fires?

Just wondering where everybody was at the time of the Australian fires? I'm pretty 'outdoorsy' so I took the opportunity for some rare skateboarding photographs.

Although a family of six were in desperate need of help, I had to prioritize, good skating photos are more important to me than anything else in the world - any publicity is good publicity.

bad ass motherfucker.

yeah, brought my toothbrush... didn't use it though.

I don't care what people say. The word "gay" is versatile as fuck and I'll keep using it till I die.

Kia ora,

I had written this whole post about the whole anti-smacking referendum cluster date rape that everyone is talking about at the moment, but then realised that it was "pretty gay" and not something that I would want to read at all. So here is something a lil' more fun, quirky, light hearted, bubbly, out going, intelligent(Sorry, that makes it sound like the obituary for a teenage girl. It's totally not.)

Have you guys seens kids (mainly intermediate school kids) riding those fucked up skateboard/cerebral palsy simulators? Whenever I see a kid wobbling their way down the road on one these monstrosities I can’t help but think that his efforts could have been better spent learning to ride a real skateboard not riding this piece of crap that pretty takes his chances of ever seeing a boob and locking it in a lead safe, welding it shut and sending it off on a Samoan ferry ride. Not only do the kids who ride these look like lanky spastics they also all seem to be the kids who wear bike safety gear outside of the bike context. I mean, come on. You’re what? 4? 5 centimetres off the ground? Moving at negative a gazillion kilometers per hour, The gnarliest ramp you’re gonna hit is your driveway with a gradient of 1/3000 and even then your mum’s gonna fully flip out when you get within elvish eyeshot(like earshot but with eyes) of the road. You don’t need a helmet, elbow pads, wrist guards(the gayest type of guard), knee pads. Everyone knows that that shit is dumb. Leave the armour to the guys on the cosplay scene.

IS THIS YOUR DAD?

I came across this image while searching the internet today and thought it was too good not to post. I feel like it maybe gives hope to older men going through tough divorces. Watching Canterbury play Auckland play rugby on your own is about the loneliest thing a man can do, so why not put on your ex-wife's sexy bedtime wear and have at it with your land rover? Not only that, why don't you get your 6 year old daughter to take a photo and then post it anonymously on a forum. 

Anyway, I would have thought a cars exhaust pipe would be the last place you'd want to put your penis but I guess there are those who don't really care/have much choice other than masturbation. 

<3>

If you're drunk and you feel kinda sick, you shouldn't just keep drinking

+

+

+

+

=

why people do drugs instead of drinking.

(I wish I could've gotten bigger photos, but I don't know how, soz, lol)

We actually did something we said we would do for once

These photos were taken at the after party, but I wore mine to the ball. Jack forgot. In the morning some lady didn't believe I sober enough to drive home even though I didn't drink at all. I was all "Seriously, you can breath test me if you want!" then someone pointed out the delicious irony of what i had said and what I was wearing. It didn't strengthen my case that's for sure.

Million Dollar Marketing idea

I've been reading a lot about Madeleine McCann a lot lately and although I know a lost cause when I see one, I also know a business opportunity when I see one. I think by now it's pretty obvious that she's either six feet under or in a garage somewhere submitting herself to the will of the internet.

Anyway, like the business opportunist that I am, I am presented with two options:

1. Go on my own personal vendetta to find Madeleine McCann through leads on 4chan, once found I will dress her in a Where's Wally outfit and create the worlds biggest inappropriate joke by allowing people to finally find her dressed like Where's Wally.
2. Release my own line of puzzle book titled 'Where's Madeline?' in which you have to find her amongst a crowded beach setting etc.

I'm semi-serious about the second option, although it'll just be Madeline poorly photoshopped into high resolution images. If I even get one comment telling me to do this, I will.

Madeleine McCann = Gone Burger.

If they look like a murderer, are they?

CLAYTON WEATHERSTON

"BREAKIN' NECKS

 BANKIN' CHEQUES"

Gossip bro.

I know everyone thinks that “Louder than bombs” is the definitive blog for up to date news of celebs and shit so i don’t wanna disappoint.

I have a brand new scoop for all you (2-5) loyal readers, Daniel “Harry Potter” Radcliffe is addicted to P. P also known as meth or ice is narcotic so tempting not even a Hogwarts education could save “Dan” from its clutches.

Look at his joy just thinking about his next "hit."

The mighty fall further.

I know you are all thinking “well, this is obviously true but where the facts/ evidence at?”

Well here it goes, i was watching popular early night time chat show “Rove” the other week, hosted by charming Aussie larrikin, Rove Mcmanus and he interviewed both Rupert “Ron Weasley” Grint and Harry “Dan” Potter. I got the distinct impression from the calm “chill” reactions of Ron that drugs were obviously a problem on the Harry Potter set, he looked like he knew a thing or two about ‘reefer madness” but it was Dan Potter’s eagerness to seem “like a normal guy” that convinced me of his p head status. Harry never wanted to be famous in the books and so it seems he also doesn’t IRL, he wants to be able to go to a little flat in Shirley and just be with his mates. Physical signs of his P use were moving a lot and a lack of skin on his forearms. He also made a lot of jokes that didn’t go down very well, a clear sign.

So this is a message from us, the self righteous bloggers, kick the drugs Danny, You are potential central.

“The drugs don’t work”- Band i can’t remember name of maybe blur or supergrass or suede or something like that.

So dishevelled.

There also pictues on the net of him having an naked encounter with some horses.

Sick.

Dream Interpretations v2.0

George and I were talking about dreams today so I thought i'd try to work out the deeper meaning to a dream/nightmare I had last night in a sort of 'sequel' to George's earlier post.

I don't know if anyone has seen Transformers 2 but my nightmare was orientated around Shia laBeouf's characters latino best friend/flat mate guy. The dream started with me walking into George's house and all of a sudden the latino flat mate ran at me with a blow torch, I freaked out and ran through the house to see that he had blow torched various other people who I don't think I knew which was really fucked up for a start. I can't really remember but I think the latino best friend characters face was also all burnt and stuff, anyway I ran out to my car and drove down the road, but my car could only go 15kmph or something so I had to keep jumping out and fighting the guy then jumping back in the car and driving away slowly.

I don't ever have 'dark thoughts' or anything but this dream was really something else. I vividly remember kicking the guys head because I really didn't want him to burn me with his blow torch which was really gross.

I think it might have been alluding to immigration rights in New Zealand, I can't be too sure but I know that this sort of dream really caught me off guard after watching a tame movie like Transformers 2. I recently watched Requiem for a Dream so maybe that gave me subconscious depression or something.

 I would never kick a latino's head or any part of his body for the record.

Ramon Rodriguez, is he a killr?

BOOM! ANOTHER BLOG! (REMASTERED EDITION)

The other day Jack and I were talking about the upcoming school ball. It had been a long time dream of ours to do something that would fuck it up a little. We had a pretty elaborate design drawn up to make penis and vagina suits that we would wear but last year Jack had a date and I thought I was too cool to go to the ball. So we were talking and we decided upon a less extravagant but perhaps just as expulsion worthy idea. We came up with this T-shirt:

 

the kind of shit you write at 1.42am when all you had done the previous day was play skateboaring games and "jam"

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

8=======D

In an earlier blog I asked you, the reader, this question "is enter shikari's new album any good?". As expected I received no feedback as the people who read this: a) Probably think enter shikari are "the latest in gay technology" and b)don't feel as though this blog gets enough traffic to make it worth trolling. I downloaded their new album "common dreads" illegally and thought it was pretty rad and decided to do this blog and this PMI(plus minus interesting) thing.

PLUS:

-sounds good to me

-singer now sounds british when he sings

-instead of the kinda lame pop rock bits from the first album they have shit that sounds more like "at the drive in"

 is good to listen to while ripping harpies in half/stabbing minotaurs in the face on god of war.

MINUS:

not as brutal as their first album, really gay album art, kinda lame lyrics about politics and shit.

INTERESTING:

kinda wish I could scream like enter shikari but my brother gets mad when i practice in the house.

Bit of a bummer that the first blog in a month is a PMI chart on "enter shikari". I'll try harder in the future.

PS. If you are a woman living in Elizabethan England, could you please email and tell me what your role is in society? Coz you guys didn't really get written about a lot and that's making it really hard for me to get some NCEA credits. FUUCCCKKKKKINNNN SAADDDDDDD.

I'm known for being horrible at typing but this is by far the worst mistake I have ever made

George Alexander
10:03
indeed
my dad had a sex with me while i was in wellington
he was kinda drunk
and was just like "go a-fucking-head mate!"
it was brutal
Jack
10:04
oh nice! did it hurt?
don't scream
NO MATTER WHAT
PROMISE ME

George Alexander
10:05
i havent had sex
Jack
10:05
I know

George Alexander
10:05
scream?!
Jack
10:05
I was saying, don't scream when your dad has sex with you
or he'll know you're awake

George Alexander
10:06
ohhhhh
fuck
i meant to say "sex talk"
Jack
10:06
Jeeeeesus

George Alexander
10:06
fuck
FUCK
OMG
Jack
10:06
HAHAHA
FUCKING HELL

George Alexander
10:06
WORST TYPO EVER

Looks like we're out of the recession!

At the most one person will understand this and they probably won't find it very funny.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

After years of being subjected to a myriad of mediocre romantic-comedies and endless sub-par Alfred Hitchcock remakes, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire came as a real ray of sunshine to restore my faith in cinema. Needless to say, J.K Rowling is one of Britain’s more prominent generals in the war against bad literature, but Mike Newell’s translation of ink to silver-screen has baffled even the most hostile of skeptics. Seldom do I leave the couch to reside in my bed chamber with a spring in my step, but tonight was different.

Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) returns to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry with his peers Ron (a superb Rupert Grint) and Hermione (Emma Watson) for his fourth year. Following suit with the previous installments of the franchise, his year is plagued with mishap and disaster, with the focus this year revolving around Harry’s participation in the Triwizard Tournament. Needless to say, Radcliffe delivers the goods once again; his performance as the bold, brave, yet inquisitive Harry Potter is one to be remembered. He manages to convey a range of emotions from jest to anger and jealousy; each being equally convincing. Daniel Radcliffe does not play Harry Potter; Daniel Radcliffe is Harry Potter.

The Goblet of Fire has a noticeably darker tone, and steers itself towards more mature audiences than its predecessors. Themes of romance, violence, and death are frequent throughout, however Mike Newell in his infinite wisdom still retains the qualities of a family targeted fantasy film that the previous films boast so proudly. Rowling has ingeniously crafted the series of Harry Potter in such a manner that the maturity of the text grows with the maturity of the reader. Screenplay writer Steven Kloves has worked this technique into the films as well, with the first film (The Philosophers Stone) sporting noticeably more child appealing themes then the following films in the series. Whilst appearing cunning to some (particularly those who grew up with the films), others watching the films in sequence may find the inconsistency to be frustrating.

Too preoccupied to compose a fourth score for the franchise, John Williams has passed the conductors baton to Patrick Doyle. Although a new comer to film, Doyle is no amateur to the ring, having several Academy Award music nominations under his belt. Viewers will be taken aback by Goblet of Fire’s rich array of new orchestral arrangements, as well as being reacquainted with some of the signature themes and motifs from the previous films. Williams’ absence will seem apparent to the most attentive of enthusiasts, but most will still admit Doyle pulls of a splendid piece of work; nothing short of magic.

For one and a half hours all 5 of my senses were bombarded by a spectacular display of passionate theatrics coupled with ground breaking cinematography and special effects only Warner Brothers could deliver; for one and a half hours I was spellbound. The Goblet of Fire truly adds a new dimension to the series, and is a must-see for those who wish to experience something truly ‘magical’. 

I give it 4/10.

In this post: "Fat fucks"

Came across this website called www.livingxl.com it's basically a website that sells products designed for morbidly obese people. When I find something like this it makes me sad for all the comedians out there who put hours and hours into making videos or whatever that people are supposed to find funny when someone who is trying to cater to the needs of someone blows anything they say out of the water with out the slightest intention or effort. 

on livingXL.com you can purchase:

-A toilet seat with what looks like scaffolding fastened to it so you can get your fat fuck ass up and off this thing without having to worry that you're going to end up with shattered porcelain embedded in yr bo'sack.

- A long rod with a pair off nail clippers attached because there's no way you're going to be reaching your toes for anything less motivating than someone with a gun to your head and even then the chances are slim.

-There's also a rod for wiping your ass with

-A hammock that utilizes the same mater

ial and methods as fucking golden gate bridge

-A shower curtain that curves in the middle so you can shower without your pudgy little belly touching the curtain

-A bench that straddles the side of the bath tub in case the journey from your mobility scooter to tub becomes too exhausting and you need a rest

-scales that have a 1000lb weight capacity so you know when it's time to upgrade your bathtub transfer bench to something a little more sturdy

-A variety of garments that go up sizes XXXXXXL (other wise known as a "shame tarp")

-In order to store your XXXXXXL garments you're going to need some coat hangers with the wing span of an albatross and they just so h

appen to stock them aswell

Happy shopping readers!

What's that? your fingies are too pudgie to enter

 your credit card number?!  I have a solution!

Might have to make do with a piece of pocky till this baby arrives

A post about music

Haven't done a blog about music in a while. Things kinda got a lil' crazy for a while. Posting stuff that would fit under the category "miscellaneous". I guess the pageviews and links from other sites went to my head. So in this blog I return to my roots.

Black Out

I haven't been blown away by any new music lately. Pitchfork are all like "listen to grizzly bear" and I'm all "i guess that song with the video is ok/10" but I'm not deep enough to get them. Then I heard "video games" by Black Out and i was like "wish more bands would be like black out because their lyrics are actually about stuff not just like disjointed phrases with deeper/nonexistent meaning". Video games is a so

ng that is relevant to my interests 'coz i like video games and sometimes feel like playing video games instead of going to school.

You can buy this song off itunes or from this website if you're mad keen to put this on yr ipod or yr zune(just kidding, zunes are fucking gay).

I also like Black Out because they are a band that go out of their way for their fans. For example when they post lyrics on their website they tell you when there are going to be guitar/drum solos so you can better prepare for the coming onslaught of "sick licks and mad fills".

Recess Blues
Copyright 200

7

Intro--Drum Fill--Guitar solo
Woke up this morning and got outa bed.
Jumped in the shower and washed my head
Put on my cloth

es and made up

 my bed
Crammed down my breakfast left my spelling unread
Hopped on the b

us, headed straight to the back
Got in trouble a

nd tore my back pack

Sent to the office like I was to blameGiven detention, man that's really lame
Smiled at the t

eacher like nothing was wrong
Sat at my desk and started writing 

this song
Whoah the recess blues

(chorus)Recess, recess, that's what I'd rather do
Reading, spelling, don't have a clueRecess, recess, that's what I'd rather do
It's all enough to make a kid really blue
Ya, ya, ya, ya.......

PS.

I've been listening to Suicide Season by Bring Me the Horizon lately and it sounds good to me+gets me amped. However, Pitchfork haven't reviewed it and this is causing me a bit of anxiety as I don't know whether it's ok to like it or not. I feel that maybe it's not ok to like because they are a metalcore band and have some pretty brutal album art. I'm really not sure. "the only thing i know for sure is that i can't sleep at night(coz i don't know if i'm allowed to like the band i like)"

I'm being serious in this last part. I really do like Bring me the Horizon. Don't know what's happening to me+anyone know if enter shikari's new album is any good?