Sunday, March 29, 2009


Puttin' off finishing my classics internal by alerting you all to the fact that you are not internet savvy because you are all still using that facebook shit. is where it's at now guys. These guys have gone balls to the walls on this one. It's packed to the brim with exciting new features.

"Here are three things you can do RIGHT NOW with FaceSpace:

Connect with people you know: family, school friends, co-workers
Join and create "Groups" around your interests
Get a friend's recommendation for anything from a great restaurant to a gentle dentist"

About time. I'm so sick of browsing through geocities and angelfire pages.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

"utterly moving"-George Armstrong

Of all the things i have seen on 4chan this is probably the thing that has made me the saddest. Yesterday i saw a picture of a man shitting on a baby but it had nothing on this. Poor Darth Vader (NOT THE HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN DARTH VADER. HE IS A CUNT).

FFFFUUUUU now i have to buy one these fucking machines

I don't think i have ever finished a zelda game. I got pretty far through ocarina of time last time i played but they get so damn hard and faq's make me feel cheap and that i am betraying Miyamotosan. There was another zelda game on DS but only now has my wall of fiscal responsibility been broken down by the accumulation of so many rad looking titles (KorgDS10, retro game challenge, Dragon quest and all that other faggoty japanese shit+Something deep down inside me loves nintendogs.)

 Maybz i'll buy it when i'm in Akihabara, it'll be my "otaku odyssey".

The 'Philosoraptor'

I'm sure most people or internetfags are familiar with /b/ but for those who aren't it's this pretty fucked up forum with some pretty horrible stuff on it if you're unlucky enough to click it, but occasionally it has some pretty funny things on it like this:

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


A brief story for you all in one of my favourite genres, books aimed at boys 11-15 who don’t like reading and are about the armed forces or snipers.

One dark night.

One man shrouded in the darkness of his camouflaged gear. An unseen assassin in a night of inky blackness. In the lagoon below the President of Chile’s holiday house, his balaclavaed head broke the surface of the water. His wescolt 4563 model followed quickly after, water resistant to 200 metres. He spied the president and his mistress with his canon infrared 436 chinchillakilla night-vision goggles.

He fired one shot. It was true. The entry point was in the back of the Presidents head, the exit wound was through his nose then into the next entry wound of the women’s hip.

But our hero didn’t see this. He was already away miles down river. The only thing that would connect him to this crime was the particular bullets he used, Barrel nosed 382’s but he would be in international waters long before the secret police knew anything had happened.

Monday, March 23, 2009

I was about to give up on facebook...

i found out you can do this

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
fullsize image here

fuck this layout!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Angry mother appalled that art is still being taught in schools

 Christchurch mother Cheryl Davies (pictured above with her "life partner" Daryll) is up in arms that her daughter, aged 13, is studying art at school. "Art is all about how it looks and this is sending a bad message to young girls" she tells our reporter. She worries that her daughter may fall victim to low self esteem and develop "problems of self" because she is constantly being exposed to artworks that rely entirely on aesthetic value to become noticed. "is this the kind of message we want our kids hearing? Why do you think so many artists go crazy? Van gogh (she pronounced it "Van gog") cut off his ear because the girl he liked didn't like him! A victim of his own creation" she yelled into our reporters microphone , "... and how many of these paintings have pictures of naked women?! Reduced to nothing more than objects! Obviously, as I am one of the few responsible parents in this country, I have banned all art work & art supplies from my house and now i have to get it banned from schools! Doing the governments work yet again". This is not the first time Cheryl has been in the news for protesting against how schools are run. She was voted least popular woman of 2006 by students in our annual poll for banning the sale of fattening foods in schools. Cheryl says she fights because no one else has the "inner strength" and that "as long as schools continue to teach children that this superficial, excuse my language, B.S. , then i will be fighting and if my Annie just so happens to suffer because her friends don't wanna come over because I'm a "psycho", then the ministry of education will have to live knowing they ruined a young, slightly obese (again their fault) girls adolescence". 

Friday, March 20, 2009

the fiddy blog itch+good advice

Super soz about the lack of blogs (I know they are the high point of all 4 our readers day. 3 of those readers being people who write these). I'll be honest and say i just haven't had anything to blog about. Better than me talkin' my  unsubstantiated political views, the war in Iraq or music that isn't very good but saying that i like it just to seem more hardcore for listening to an obscure band. 

 I have also been writing non-blog material for my trip to japan in TWO WEEKSS! I'm making a guide book to give to my squad (TEAM/SQAUD/CRAZY HORSE/CREW) of younger students. I just want to have the best squad and makes the kids in Bobbito's (reference to a guy in my japanese class) squad jealous.

If you live in the port hills take this opportunity to shit out on your porch with a shotgun. No ones gonna be frontin' if you're just lookin' out for the best interests of the community. It's not like locking your door is going to stop this guy. In his mind he has transcended to the state of Dr. Manhattan, the laws of nature don't apply to him anymore. If he wants to break into your house he's gonna break in to your house. Your only option is to arm yourself and if you do end up having to shoot this guy you could probably write some poetry about death and shit without seeming pretentious. y'know like war poetry. People love that stuff.

NOTE: have you noticed how i have the replaced the "g" at the end of many present tense verbs ("ing") with an apostrophe to make it more hip. This is what videos game magazines did in the 90's and look how successful they are!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

"yeah bro i fucking hate it how religions are always shoving these huge diatribes in our faces tryin' to convert us&shit"

I hate atheists. Not all atheists just people you know are atheists(this is making me seem like someone who goes to easter camp for the prayer sessions or some shit. I just hope you know the kind of people I am talking about). If someone is all talking about how they are an atheist and alluding to how that makes them smarter somehow then you should either try to fight this person (preferably an altar side throw down ending with you drowning them int he baptismal font) or maybe you could find an article they wrote about atheism and post on your blog. Although the guy who wrote this is perhaps one of the few people at school who i could maybe win a fight against (mainly because i would have the help of his gf who seems to hate him for some reason) I'm gonna post his "editorial" that i found in school magazine section of the email archives.

I'm not actually sure why i am posting this because it is so long and boring. Maybe i won't. How about an article Sarah Argyle wrote on smoking? Yeah, that sounds better.


Teen dies after punching window...

"A 16-year-old youth found dead in Ngaruwahia bled to death after cutting his arm punching a window, police say.... injuries had occurred after he punched a glass window at the Fire Station, he said... revealed the 16-year-old died as a result of severe blood loss resulting from a cut to the Brachial Artery of his right arm..."


Another Poem by Jayden

grandma made me play scrabble with her
this made me feel sad
because i have a learning disability
words are hard for me

I got real angry at this guy
his name is dane
always talking shit
coz i forget to draw my "r's" round the right way
scrapped him at play lunch

My time on the xbox is limited
I'll never become a COD4 pro
if mum keeps the rules the same
no xbox until i've finished my homework
no xbox after tea

I got in heaps of trouble at school
googled "lesbos"
printed out the picture that came up
the olsen twins naked

put dog shit in dane's bag
he started crying
nathan recorded it on his phone
he said he's gonna put it on youtube
if he can find the cord

Nathan said he couldn't find the cord
i stole his phone at lunch
nath is a liar
his phone doesn't even have a camera
just for emergencies
not even texting

Friday, March 13, 2009

Just coz i wear camo doesn't mean i lurv war. I actually fully hate it. I just wanna be fashionable but practical

I don't plan to do these type of blogs again or anything I just wanted something to do on GIMP since I'm still trying to decide whether I like it or not. This Ghettoware creates an "internal conflict" in me. Might do an english essay on it. Is open source the essence of drama?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Please god don't ever make a 9/11 phone operator

In america some lady had pet chimp and it fucking destroyed her face when she was in a drug coma. My friends brother was an emergency call operator and she made it seem like a really cool job because he just fucked round on the internet all day but i bet if you recieved this call you would be feeling pretty down about yourself. Especially if you're as incompetent as the guy who took the monkey face ripping off phonecall. This does kinda sound like a joke though.

"He ripped her face off!"

EDIT: Jack just told me that he saw this ages ago. i thought i was being all up to date and providing "fresh" content to the "user-base". Let myself down. Just wanna end it. Wish the monkey had ripped my face off. put me out of my misery

EDIT EDIT: SHE WASN'T EVEN IN A DRUG COMA. THAT WAS ANOTHER INCIDENT WHERE A LADY GOT HER FACE DESTROYED BY A CAT. The link between this story and the the chimp one is that both these ladies are getting their faces undestroyed at the same face transplant clinic (see: John Travolta&Nick cage in Faceoff. But these ladies aren't switching their destroyed faces. that would be dumb and fiscally irresponsible).

Waste time for free!

I was wondering how long it would take...

Wow, what an original idea!

Monday, March 9, 2009





Sunday, March 8, 2009





Since when were 'Toga Parties' cool?

Wot da fuk!?

I must have been living under a rock or something, because recently teenaged girls at my school are suddenly talking all things toga. My friends and I have been invited to one early April, and we can think of about a thousand better things to do with our time, but we're tagging along to see what toga parties are all about.

We'll get a whole bunch of photos, post them, and the verdict will be out early April.

Because our opinion on toga parties will be crucial to your internet browsing.

Saturday, March 7, 2009


I was listening to podcasts the other day and wondered if there were any radio play style podcasts. I haven't researched this and i don't plan as it sounds stupid. Then Jack recently came up to me and told me that he plans to make a stage play called DRAMADRAMADRAMA. A bromantic dramedy he called it. Of course Jack was never actually going to make a stage play called DRAMADRAMADRAMA but it was still funny. This inspired me to turn this idea into a radio play instead. "BUT RADIO PLAYS R OLD/GAY! YOU SCREAM!" Not if i make them about issues young people care about. "BUT WE DNT CARE ABOWT THINGS!!!!HOW CAN U MAKE US CARE!!!!WE HAVE GREW UP ON SOUTH PARK WE CARE ABOUT NOTHING!!!!" You do though, you just don't know it yet. You express yourselves daily. ON BEBO. A story is born.


NARRATOR: A group on gangly teenage boys sit around the breakfast table. two of them looking a little worse 4 wear.

BROOKE: u guys r so irresponsible. i cant believe you got "intoxicated". i am very hurt that you betrayed my trust.

TONY: it is fine man. U haz got to live a little sometimes. live life 2 tha' full. Never back down.

BROOKE: You&james drankd a whole bottle of gin. And were goin' crazy offending' my sensibilities&then you put the pictures on tha' internet. These thing r harmful 2 society&maybe you should think about ur actions b4 you do them. Wen u luze ur inhibitions u do hurtful things lyk tell "amily" that u lurv here even tho u have a GF. Lurv is a strong word but i really really really think u r a nice guy bt maybe ur drinkin' has got out of hand.

TONY:Maybe u r right. i do get dranked at least once a term. and maybe i am not thinkin' about tha' consequences. I am a strong aetheist so i can't do what jesus would do so maybe i will have to do what matt from the "attitude" seminar at school. WWMFTASD? would do but it would be hard to make it into a bracelet.

SAM:gettin' dranked is awesum i once got dranked and passed&u guys took a picture. It was a good experience that i wud like to repeat but my parents r gettin me down. Brooke sometime u r too hi strung& maybe this is bad for mind as you could develop a stress disorder later in life.&tony i think that your WWMFTASD? bracelet is a dumb idea because i hate jesus coz he isnt even tha' sun of god and that is too much like those gay WWJD? things.

BROOKE:I thought use was upstandin citizens bt then u got very dranked&I am not sure what to think anymore. Growing up is hard enuf without havin' to make moral judgements and "life choices". MY parents would probably not want me 2 hang and chill with you anymore if they knew and the band was just about to make it big imo.

TONY:OMG i was so tied up in myself&having gud tymz that i forgot about the joys of making music. I was jst beginning to "find myself" as a song writer&i went off the rails. ROK&roll can do bad things to people like in the movie "almost famous" and the guy jumps off the roof with no regard to how his actions might affect his relationships.He as also on a mind altering substance that would maybe also damage his future.


BROOKE:Tony, what r u gonna do about amily. She thinks that u lurv when maybe u didnt mean it all&if ur GF finds out she mite dump u. U shud keep her because u guys had a good thing going coz u like the same music and hookup three times a week on average.

TONY:True. Three hookups a week is good but maybe she is not the girl for me. BUT I DNT KNO. She is the safe option as far as hookups go but amily is mayb the "1".

SAM: Hopefully not the one like neo from the matrix because that has many "allusions" to tha' bible which i am against.

TONY:"it ain't easy 2 beeee meee"-five for fighting

The end

That would be a pretty short radio play. i will make five for fighting quotes a reoccuring motif because they are a band that people still like a lot.

If i was gonna write a book on parenting this is all would be. Coz a picture tells a thousand words.



Friday, March 6, 2009

Dolphin Olympics 2 review

Now, if you like dolphins, and you like olympics, this could very well be the game you've been looking for all these years. If not, chances are you'll still get a good 10-15 minutes fun out of the free swim mode. It was hard buying into dolphin olympics 2 after all the hype during late 2008 that is so common with these these high budget games. Unlike the games of 2008's killer spring line up, dolphin olympics 2 delivers in every way.

From the incredible attention to detail in the way that the light hits and reflects off the water, to the incredible gun-play dolphin olympics 2 certainly sits a cut above the likes of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare and Fallout 3. I started the game just before lunchtime, and before I knew it, it was almost 3 in the morning, the compelling and convincing atmosphere of the game kept me completely immersed in this fantasy game.

All the characters are likeable, and have interesting background that make you lust for more. On top of all this, the sheer size and scale of the game feels overwhelming at time and seems to have to limits. That said, dolphin olympics 2 still doesn't quite compare with it's predecessor dolphin olympics 1, but is still worth playing.

If dolphin olympics 2 sounds like your kind of game, you can play it here

Thursday, March 5, 2009

accepting a challenge from a street fighter pro not knowing he was a street fighter pro

A week or so ago Jack&I went comic book shopping in town. The bus we needed to return wouldn't get there for another 15 minutes so we decided to go play some street fightervsCapcom at the arcade. I destroyed Jack with my E.Honda/Ryu/Chun-Li combination+i was totally in the zone, throwing fire balls frither&fucking yon. Then this guy with a pierced ear who had been watching us play was all "you wanna challenge bro?"."sure thing" I said. I had never been challenged to street fighter before by a stranger at the arcade. This particular machine had always been kind to me, I could always beat jack because he can't do a hadouken and one time i went to play and this guy i really hate was leaving and he told me that he had just been playing street fighter and some bullshit about how it was his favourite game (idiot, it's not even the right one. Super street fighter 2 turbo is the one you want. This one has like 10000000 characters, no way is it balanced). He left and when i got to the machine i found twenty bucks which i knew was his&I didn't return it because he is a dick&I was running out of money. At this point i thought i was ok at street fighter and might have a chance against this old, ear piercing having fag.

"you're probably better than me, you've got one them special cards" he said pointing at my plastic timezone card and casually swiping his shitty assed cardboard one.
I knew i was fucked as soon as he started warming up. He flicked all the buttons perfectly with one freaky hand gesture and began selecting his characters, Ken/Ryu/Akuma. This motherfucker had been watching me play. He knew he could kick my ass and he did. It was brutal. He beat two of my characters with me barely touching his first.
"i've been playing this since before you born" he said like a fucking fuck, chewing gum like some over confident obese kid who listens to Limp bizkit 10 years ago and makes his own hair gel out vaseline &vicks because his parents won't buy him for the real stuff.

He beat me and i left feeling grateful that the internet was invented so that i could shout my insults through a microphone instead of having to walk away defeated like a father who lost custody of his kids turning round to take one last look at his old family and the psycho bitch who took his house, half his life savings and children.

As i was getting on the bus i realised i didn't have my comic books.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU i ran back to the machine and asked if he had seen a brown paper bag on the machine to which he replied "has that gotcha' weed in it bruh?"
I just walked the fuck out of there.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Everybody loves lists

I love lists. They are easy to read they don't challenge me "intellectually". I can sit back, "chillax" and finish the day knowing the top ten "Most lovable JRPG characters of all time".

I have decided to make a list of rad things you can get for free on the internet that aren't porn. This is a crazy website where you can play free online multiplayer games. I tell people this and they often don't seem to care or realise how how ridiculous that a game like Fallen Empires Legions, with full 3d graphics and dedicated servers is free(Pretty much just a tribes ripoff. If you play it watch the tutorial video first if you don't wanna suck and look like a n00b when you can't even get yr boost on). Oh, and all these games run inside your web browser.

-Jumpman- A cool 2d platformer that will make you want to kill yrself but then not kill yrself when you realise you have "2 much to live for" i.e. the later levels of jumpman.

-This American Life- This is a podcast that I tell everybody about once and only once. This is because I get angry when people don't listen to me so i punish them by withholding this awesome podcast from them.

-A Life well wasted- This is a podcast that kinda rips offs the presentation of this American life but it's is by far the best gaming podcast out at the moment.

-GFW Radio- I'm going podcast crazy so I'd put in my favourite podcast ever which is now discontinued due to the hosts getting prominet jobs in the game development industry. The link takes you a page which is some what of a cluster fuck so i advise you use the ctrl-f function(when you have clicked the link) then type in these dates:
06/26/2008 (Download this one atleast. For me.)

Ahh fuck I forgot about the heroes of the web!

-Runescape- is for faggots. Don't play this.

To be honest I thought this list would be more substantial. Kinda disappointing really+the majority of people who read this blog are people who also contribute or my friends and have already had me constantly force my links upon them in MSN.